I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
