He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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