It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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