I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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