I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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