Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
