Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
