Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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