I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Randomize
