could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
