New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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