she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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