12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
