its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Terrible idea I love it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
