I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
