Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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