Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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