note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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