If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
