At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
