I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
