Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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