I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
