He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize