he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
