If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
