Someone shit on the floor
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
