He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
