I heard we made out
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
