I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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