Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
