Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Small penises have feelings too.
Is it because I queefed?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
