One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
