No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
