your thong is hanging out like whoa
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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