Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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