ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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