I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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