i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
