yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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