It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
