me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
