she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
