I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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