I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
