im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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