i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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