It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
