so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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