i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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