Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize