you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
