so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
high people should be assigned attendants
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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