I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize