I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
