Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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