smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
