apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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