Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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