Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
