just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
