I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
