i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize