also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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