No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
