I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
