That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
