apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize