Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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