I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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