My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
