Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
