ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
