the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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