Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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