Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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