i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
