you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
