farters have to be the big spoon...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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