Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
