bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
