Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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