it wasn't lemon gatorade
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
