I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
