Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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