I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
