I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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