I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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