We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize