We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
