The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize