Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
