he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
