Your face is a jimmy john
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize