if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
