he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
