You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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