i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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