Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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