Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
