He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
